Sunday, December 06, 2009

boom goes the dynamite

Save me from menopause!

Last night, like a dutiful daughter, I went to the 'rentals to continue the 29-year tradition of decorating on the first Saturday in December (and mark the twentieth anniversary of eating pizza while doing so). I showed up at 1930, arriving directly after the staff Children's party, with a change of clothes. I noticed that everything was basically done, with only a few tree trims and some rejigging of the North Pole (apparently, Dad did not remember the "story" and the elves were all just placed willy nilly!). So I did what I could to finish it off and at around 2145, the three of us sat down for pizza; LilBro had long fled the building. I have no idea how we got to this place in the conversation, but we were discussing trees when Mom says: "if it were up to me, I wouldn't even put up a tree!"
I say: "You mean, you wouldn't decorate for Christmas?"
She says: " I didn't say I wouldn't decorate; I said I wouldn't put up a tree."
I: "Why not? what's wrong with a tree?"
She: "A tree is for children. Everyone here is grown up now. There's no need for a tree."
I: "Where would you put the presents? and who just puts up decorations and no tree? I mean, you can put up a tree and no decorations, sure."
She: "oh, you've been to everyone's house? you know that no one ever puts up decorations with no tree?"
I: "No, but I've never seen a house decorated that had no tree. Besides, it's tradition. You might as well say we won't go to Midnight Mass anymore."
She: "Oh, so if we have no tree and presents then we don't go to Church? We can't just celebrate religiously?"
I: "I don't think Jesus would begrudge us a tree on his birthday. besides, it would be weird, to go to Midnight mass and then come home and just go to bed."
She: "So Midnight Mass isn't worth going to without gifts, is that it?"
I: "No, Midnight Mass and opening presents afterwards and calling family until 4am... that's tradition. That's what makes it special.
She: "Church is special on its own. I don't like that you think you go to Church just for the gifts."
I: "I didn't say that. I said that decorating and Midnight Mass and gifts and all that are all part of what makes Christmas special."
She: "Well, Christmas isn't about gifts!"

…What just happened? Christ, I don't care about gifts! I would rather spend the same money and buy myself stuff, but instead we do this whole exchange thing because it's tradition. And tradition is what binds families together. At least, our family. Honestly, I was pretty close to just going back to my own home after that stupid exchange. Why do we do anything, if not for tradition? Why do I go over to decorate a house I don't live in? Or bake cakes when I'm diabetic? If it wasn't for my Dad who just whispered, "Don't worry, your mom is a little cranky these days. Don't take it personally." I would have spent the night in the comfort of my own bed, TYVM.

God. Conversation with my mother has become like negotiating a minefield. Save me.

3 comments:

Unknown said...

Maybe she's just sad her kids are flying the coop? My mom was like that too, said if it wasn't for my Christmas spirit, she wouldn't care too much about it.

And, hey, Christmas trees are not just for kids LOL I love my Christmas tree :) when I moved out on my own, I always went over to my mom's to do her tree too. Yesterday, she helped me do mine. It's nice, like you said, it's tradition.

Anonymous said...

We DO NOT have a Christmas tree - haven't had one in years. In fact, was in the car when my dad drove the Christmas tree to the Salvation Army. Tradition is just the nice way of saying routine. Boring, dumb and only for kids. We don't really do gifts, dinner or decorating. If you love someone, you do it the whole year round and there is no need to participate in the artifical, commerically produced holiday called Christmas. You have your own life now and many more place to go than to hang out with your parents. Choosing to be with them is the important part, tradition is a paltry excuse for hanging out with one's family.

Really, I hate Chrtistmas and all its traditions.

DK

Malecasta said...

Eek, Ebenezer! I love the traditional part of Christmas, right down to Midnight Mass carolling. It makes me feel closer not just to my immediate family, but to my family that's scattered all over the world. Knowing that we're all decorating our trees at the same time gives me small comfort, especially since I haven't been able to be with most of them for over a decade now. The traditions may be just for kids, but I'm still in a kid in many aspects. I just hate having this conversation with my mother. If she hates it so much, she ought to say so instead of trying to lay it on my doorstep.

Jadek's theory is that my Mom is bitter about not being a grandma yet and thus is pulling "Christmas is for kids" card... I have to say, that's not a bad thought.