Tuesday, May 15, 2012

away

Assignment #6: away

Sometimes I wonder if taking a holiday is really a good idea. Sure, I come back refreshed, full of stories and food, carrying memories – but really, all I do is think about the next trip, the next flight, the next bag to pack. If I could find a way to travel perpetually, to spend my life out of a suitcase, I think I’d do it. At least, for a while.

Of course, this is where cognitive dissonance sets in. You see, by nature, I’m a nester. I like my hearth and home. I like the idea of having a bed to call my own and bookshelves brimming with staycation adventures. I like baking and decorating and curling up in front of the TV to watch reality shows about islands or dancing. And yet… and yet.
When I’m on vacation, I think about home; when I’m home, I think about vacation. Am I just making myself sad? This constant wish to be ‘away’ can’t be good. It feels like I’m always running from where I am. I have often blamed itchy feet for my wanderlust; and yet, I crave the settling of roots. I am incredibly jealous of those who carry their home with them, content to be anywhere and nowhere at the same time. How do you find that anchor and not feel… well… anchored?

Perhaps this is just a precursor to a big move. I have felt this desire to be ‘away’ before – it led to abandonment and drama. I feel like I’m looking for my next big adventure but I have no idea what it is or where it will lead. I guess that’s part of it.

Many moons ago, a very wise Aunt cautioned me as I contemplated signing my condo papers. She said, “you are not one to be happy in one place… why are you tying yourself down?” At the time, I scoffed. A condo is an investment, not a noose. These days, though, I use it as an excuse for not dropping everything and catching the next plane to Italy or Burma or Australia. And while I haven’t done anything quite so crazy, I still have a bag packed and ready to go in my closet. If I get a phone call to run away… I think I’ll go.

1 comment:

Diana said...

What if the more important investment is in yourself?