taking credit

You know, I give LilBro a hard time. I can’t help it – I’m older, wiser, and (sometimes) smarter. I take pride in my sense of responsibility; equally, I loathe that same sense because I feel it is sometimes to my disadvantage. I’m getting more and more cynical as I age, though still lagging far behind my compatriots. Anyway, this is all to say that I’m often dismissive of the talents, skills, and genuine good-naturedness of my sibling. And I shouldn’t be.

Where I may be smarter, he’s certainly more clever and witty. He’s open to new ideas and discussions of big and little things alike. He has opinions – strong ones – but that doesn’t mean he’s closed-minded. He can be convinced with logic and rationale. This is a quality that is rare. It takes a lot to make a stand and then to admit that you may have been wrong. Where I may be wiser, he still carries some of that audacity of youth that I have long since lost. I have wisdom at the expense of courage. I know how to make, spend, and save money. He knows how to make, spend, and save creativity. Which of us is wiser?

I may be older…well, I am older. Nothing is changing that. I have become less pliant, more brittle, easily hurt. I don’t twist an ankle, I tear three tendons; I don’t have a sore muscles, I have chest pains and nausea; I don’t have heartbreak, I have a permanently broken heart. What I do with it is useless: I bury it, stomp on it, forget where I put it and let it go. He fuels it into music and song, takes something painful and makes something beautiful.
When I was in my youth (a nice time), I was influenced greatly by music. We have a musical family and there are instruments (literally) littered about the house. Guitars, drums, piano… you name it. I have no talent for any of them. I have good ear and can harmonise, but really, that’s it. I had a Columbia House membership (remember those?) that saw the introduction of Nirvana, Nine Inch Nails, Stone Temple Pilots, The Tea Party, and so so many others to our musically eclectic household. The minute I heard the mind-warping interpretations that is Massive Attack, I knew I‘d found a new genre of music, one that tapped into my nerves. When I abandoned my CDs, LilBro gave them a new home. And he absorbed them in a way I can’t even begin to fathom. Fast-forward over a decade later, and I’m hearing those influences in his own work. I hear a maturity of sound that’s pretty brain-boggling. I hear an amalgamation of those early artists with the edgiest, poppiest beats of today. It’s just short of amazing.

I’m taking a sliver of credit. Because that’s my prerogative as the older sister, who may not be as wise or as smart as everyone thinks.