conquered

Ahh, moving. Brings out the best and worst in everyone, especially me. I get cranky and sullen when things don't go according to my clockwork plan; I get irritated when people who are "helping" make a mess of my newly painted walls; I get sad when, after 14 days of having the keys to my new place, I still haven't spent the night. But after all this passes (and yes, this too, passes), comes the moments of happiness.

The Closet of No Studs: a battle. Two grown men who claim to be handy were defeated by this beast. There were holes and drag marks all over to show their vain attempts at taming the closet into something useful. But, eventually, they had to give up. I walked in yesterday, drill in one hand, four foot level in the other and said to the Closet: "it's either you or me. And I ain't backing down." Boy, did it try. No wooden studs to be found, but plenty of metal ones, so most studfinders were rendered useless. The studs themselves are tricky little buggers, spacing themselves out with no discernible pattern, ending at varying heights. I didn't care: I made as many holes as I wanted, for I knew the glory of PolyPutty. Yet, I measured seven times, before making my marks. I even got into a tug of war with a stubborn little wall plug (that bitch didn't have a chance). An epic 210 minutes later, the closet bellowed its last protest (drowned out by my mighty drill) and I stood, victorious. Special thanks to my sidekick who held things in place like a pro.

After that, what else was there to do but hop about in glee? Well, I did a few other things, but nothing quite like the closet. Now, only a stubborn leaky showerhead stands in my way. I diagnosed the problem yesterday as well (all that drama over a ten cent gasket. honestly.)

Key lessons I have learned?
- If you want it done right, do it your bloody self.
- A drill is a girl's best friend.
- Nothing - not even metal studs - can stand between a woman and her clothes.

movin' on up

You may have read/heard me griping about the Big Move on the weekend, so I might as well get everyone up to speed. On July 10, I picked up my keys and opened the door to my brand spankin' new condo. By this time, I'm not even all starry-eyed about it. It's been 27 months in the making and I already had to do a PDI, which is essentially a list of everything that's wrong with the place. The plan was simple: clean and prep entire condo for painting on Thursday, do one coat on Friday, another coat on Saturday and touchups on Sunday. What actually happened? I didn't finish touchups until Wednesday (July 16). As a direct result, I didn't install my closet or curtain rods, leaving all this to the day of the move, which eventually avalanched into a three-day weekend of boxes and frustration.

First, the "easy to install" Rubbermaid closet stalled on Step One: find a stud. There's no stud in that damned closet. How did the original closet have any support? Who knows? Internet searching and Home Repair manuals tell me not to worry, that a few toggle bolts will take care of the weight, but by this time it's late on Sunday night (July 20) and everyone's about ready to collapse.

This has led to domino effect of things not getting done. I'd like to move in and unpack slowly, but right now my kitchen is "supply central", with the counter acting as a work surface and sorting centre. No kitchen means no cooking or eating. How do I get the counters cleared off? By having somewhere to put the stuff (a closet or the bathroom would be a lovely start).

So here's what still needs to get done:
1) Bedroom Closet: once this is done, I can unpack all my clothes, get rid of the suitcases and put all the furniture in the right place. Then I can sleep in my new place.
2) Bathroom: the toilet roll holder was installed completely off-centre (which is too annoying NOT to fix); the medicine cabinet has to be moved to a desirable location... once all that's done (with its related spackle and paint jobs) I can shower at my new place.
3) Hall Closet: this will allow me to unpack numerous boxes of linen, coats, board games and other miscellanea which will reside in this closet. Then I can have more room in the Living Room.
4) Kitchen: with most things put where they belong, the Living Room can now become "supply central". This will free up the Kitchen for more mundane things like cooking. Then I can eat in my new place.
5) Living Room: a summer-long project of furniture assembly. This seems so far away, it's almost a fantasy instead of a plan. It's July 21 (11 days after I got my keys) and I'm still living with the 'rentals. sigh.
6) Curtain rods: these are so low on the priority list (what with being on the 16th floor and having nobody at my height for miles around), I don't even want to discuss them.

It all seems so simple, no? A bunch of little 4-5 hour projects, really. But it's like every time I sit down to get a project done, I get thrown a curve ball (no studs, no plumber's tape, hinges that won't fit, dammit). Who said moving was easy? Okay, no one says that. But people should just say that moving is hard. Period.

There is one bright spot in all this: the view.

Now Playing: The Dark Knight

Forgive me, poppets. I have been moving for three days and haven't had the chance to sit and coalesce my thoughts into something coherent. I watched The Dark Knight on Thursday night after almost seven hours in line (and still not first!) with one of the best opening night crowds ever. What can I say? I love love LOVE it. Love. Instead of my normal pros and cons, I only have a list of Awesomes and Fantastics. If you are a big BatFan, you will not be disappointed. If you're a general cinephile, you will not be disappointed. If you're both, you will fall into an orgasmic stupor about halfway through, pledging your eternal devotion and first born to Christopher Nolan who has single-handedly rescued the Batman franchise from Camp Hell.

I will try to keep my general passion for all things Batman out of it, but here's Ten Scenes I Love In The Dark Knight. Also: there will be spoilers.

10) Eject Button: I so did not expect to see the damn bike eject out of the car - that was one the coolest things ever! and the end of the chase scene where the bike roars up the side of the building, swivels and slams back down on the sidewalk? Gawd. There was a collective exhalation of breath, because most people were holding it throughout the entire scene.

9) The Bank Heist: you've all seen it. It was attached in all its IMAX glory in front of I Am Legend. It was so clever and well-executed, funny and unexpected... it absolutely set the tone for the entire movie.

8) Two-Face and Gordon meet: oh, we all knew it would be gross and disturbing. We could see the burnt edges of Aaron Eckhart's nose, the look of horror of Jim Gordon's face... but did it really prepare you? The quick camera cuts that had us all hissing every time Dent turned his head just slowed the whole experience out to a tantalising crawl. Wonderfully done.

7) The Interesting Social Experiment: 15 minutes of sheer suspense. Who would do it? Would the prisoners live up to their reputations or would they redeem themselves in their final moments? Would the good citizens of Gotham succumb to their baser natures or die, tragically betrayed? ... I think, had either turned the key, they may have just blown themselves up, but we'll never really know, will we.

6) The Coin Flip: there were lots of coin flips in the movie, and all were fab without being cheesy. My favourite had to be the mob boss scene though: "Looks like your luck's changed; too bad your driver's hasn't." gold.

5) Tryouts: the entire scene with the mob boss, from "do you want to know how I got my scars" to "we're going to have tryouts" was so well played and so well acted, I could almost see it as a vignette at the Oscars next year. and tryouts? Damn brilliant.

4) You Complete Me: leave it to the Joker to quote a cheesy romantic line while describing his relationship to Batman. Honestly. "You'll never kill me and I'll never kill you" is like a marriage vow in some demented ceremony - how fitting! All these insights and promises while hanging upside down off a blown up building. Fuck.

3) Joker meets Two-Face: what a psychological little trip the Joker plays on Dent to bring out Two-Face in full. But the best part about that whole scene is the choice of Joker's wardrobe. He could have been disguised as a doctor or wearing scrubs and it would have had the same effect. But no: he wore a nurse's outfit, complete with orange wig. That right there is why the movie is brilliant - it's all about the details. Also: walking away and pressing the button repeatedly and then jumping when it actually blows up? mwahahahahah!

2) Rachel Dances with the Devil in the Pale Moonlight: if anyone needed to justify replacing Katie Holmes with Maggie Gyllenhaal, all they would have to do is watch this one scene. Rachel, trying to be brave, while the Joker holds a knife to her face... the perfect amount of bravado and fear plays out over Maggie's features. Genuinely well-acted.

1) Wanna Know How I Got These Scars: this movie stopped being about Batman the minute Joker pulled that pencil out of his coat pocket, promising a magic trick. I have to admit, when I heard about Heath Ledger being cast as Joker, I was a little disappointed. Really? The sensitive Brokeback Mountain cowboy and former BOP heart-throb? No, I was not amused. But I will eat my words, with relish. Heath Ledger was just so fantastic in this role, it made me forget there was ever a Joker before him (Jack Who?). He was the perfect amount of psycho and clown, making me laugh as he did the most disturbing things (see Tryouts, Magic Tricks and Social Experiments). And you knew he held his own when he got right under Batman's skin during the interrogation. I can't even begin to express just how amazing he is in this role. I really do hope that he's given an Oscar nod and that his recent death doesn't make anyone think it's a sympathy thing. It's not. He has clearly earned it.

Go Watch This Movie. Trust me: even if you know nothing about Batman, it's still one hell of a ride. 5 out of 5 stars.

PS: I toyed with the idea of making this the Burj-Dubai of movies, giving it 6 out of 5 stars, but that would ruin the integrity of the scale.

oh. my. god.

So, I just got back from the midnight screening of The Dark Knight. I can't review it. It's too soon. I'm still recovering from it, still wanting to give it 6 stars out of 5, still freaking out over "I just want my phone call," still too drunk (without a drop of alcohol) to write a coherent review of a movie I was so excited about that it could only disappoint ... and it still did not. Tomorrow, a review. Today... today I just sit back and repeat "oh. my. god." over and over and over.

Why Women Hate Men: the blog

This has to be one of the funniest blogs I've read in a long time: Why Women Hate Men. Actually written by a man and surprisingly insightful. Okay, I shouldn't say surprisingly... that's sexist. But really, go read it. It's gold.

Now Playing: Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Big Red is back and aren't I thrilled! Guillermo del Toro fills the director's chair again in Hellboy II: The Golden Army of the comic franchise. What can I say? It joins the exclusive club of sequels that outshine their originators: H2TGA was just fabulous. This is not to say the first one was horrible - far from! - but it just didn't have the budget and it had to do what all first movies in franchises have to do... deal with the back story. Inevitably, the first half of the story gets bogged down. H2GTA has no such issues.

The good: this list is long. The script was tight and true to the spirit of Hellboy - funny and silly to dark and scary. It's almost... perfect. I love that drinking-to-Manilow scene - it was everything Spiderman tried (and failed ) to do. Casting was excellent, with most people coming back for more. I loved that John Hurt makes a nice cameo. Luke Goss and Anna Walton as twin Elven royalty was just inspired. I was really worried when I heard a boybander would be assigned this role, but I take it all back. I loved everything to do with that Elven storyline - Prince Nuada is what I have always pictured Elves would be like: agile, clever, scary-beautiful, vicious and altogether regal. I simply loved it. Nuada has to be one of my favourite villains in recent memory. The acting was as great as usual, which probably speaks well of the script and casting. And, of course, the special effects are just stellar. Though the Pan's Labyrinth style is there, I'm convinced that it's not a PL style but a Guillermo-style, one that's perfect for Hellboy. Sort of like how Tim Burton's stamp on movies is simply distinguishable, Guillermo's feel for Mike Mignola's universe seems dead on. Everything from the tiniest Tooth Fairy to the Golden Army itself seemed to fit perfectly into the movie.

The bad: why did they change Liz's flames from blue to boring orange-yellow? I liked the blue - which signifies intense heat - over this wishy-washy flame stuff. I had thought maybe when she's learned to control it or something, so when she's just having a fight with Red, she's got flames. But even under attack, the blue flames stayed out of sight. I know there's an explanation, but it fall short. Sad. Also, why didn't David Hyde Pierce reprise his voice role of Abe Sapien? It was so jarring to hear Doug Jones. Now, let me explain. Mr. Jones does a great job - it's just too bad that, for continuity's sake, they couldn't continue with DHP or that they had just let him voice it in the first one too.

The worse: never bring back Young HB. Ever.

Go see it and watch the first one! 4 out of 5 stars.

sore

Have spent eight hours for each of the last three days cleaning and painting the new place (almost done, almost done) with some helpers (JC, Jadek and superstar LilBro). At some point around 5pm on Saturday I entered a place of zen and calm, where walls were painted by me, but I didn't remember doing them. My shoulder was so sore, it stopped hurting and became almost numb. I began humming as if I were baking or something. Whoa. Anyway, all that's left is touch ups in the bedroom and at least 2 more coats in my "gold" kitchen. The whole house is actually off one colour palette, with different shading (cornmeal yellow, spiced butternut and glorious gold). One exception? Bathroom (of course) where I went with a traditional blue (bliss blue, to be exact) - there was a moment last night where the sun was about to set and it completely creeped into the entire place where the yellow and the blue just looked... like home. I'm very excited! especially when I see the view.

I am behind schedule (big surprise), but it's not too bad. with only the kitchen and touchups to go, I can still get some things done, but I'll need my Dad's expertise with a drill. While I'm all Miss Independent, I refuse to fuck up my closet because of my pride. I'm really hoping LilBro will finish up the kitchen while I'm at work this week (unfortunately, each coat needs 24 hours to cure... *sigh*) and I really need to finish packing... I'd forgotten how much stuff I have. I also need to acquire chairs of some sort for before the move, as there's nowhere to sit right now.

The big move is next Saturday - stay tuned, poppets!