relativity

So, if you haven’t already heard Justin Bieber slowed down by 800%, then do that or none of this will make any sense. No, seriously. …okay? I hadn't heard it either until this past Saturday when LilBro exposed me to this new way of listening to the Stratford Sensation. Let me just say how much more I prefer it this way. So, he also has a theory. We call it the Bieber Corollary. No it's not clever, but it works.

Bieber Corollary: using a basic application of Einstein's Theory of Relativity, LilBro hypothesises that the reason JB is so popular with the ten-year-old set is because time, for them, is moving at a much slower rate than for adults. Given that this slowed down version of U smile is so appealing to a 30-year-old ears, he states what I'm hearing (800% slower) is what tweens hear, at its normal rate. A ten-year-old only has five years of cognitive memory, therefore every second (or minute) for them is like a minute (or hour) for us. The math ratios are off, but the fundamentals are the same. That’s why Sigur Ros does nothing for them and we (the focus group) think they’re awesome.

…if any of this holds true, this just may explain why Miley Cyrus is so amazing to the pre-teen crowd and completely horrific to the rest of the world. What they're hearing is a seriously slowed down version of the cacophony we hear! So, what they hear is something completely different from what we hear. Which may or may not be stating the obvious.

Also: everyone should be so lucky as to have a younger brother who invites them to parties and buys yummy-flavoured drink mixes and saves a bottle of Gatorade for the next day.