how to have a fabulous birthday

...if you're me.

1) Wear whatever you please. If that means a red corset and thick black eyeliner, go for it.

2) Land at your best friend's place for wine and chips. If she gives you a fairy princess glow wand, wave it about with abandon. It's your birthday and a wand is a completely acceptable accessory. If you break your fairy princess wand tapping the DJ a thank you, make sure you save the star - it's the magicest part. And yes, magicest is a word.

3) Go out with your friends to your favourite club. If your favourite club is closed for some inexplicable reason, go to another. Club hop until you find a place that's either a) rocktastic or b) dead enough that the DJ plays anything you request. All night.

4) Drink all the drinks bought for you. Don't be shy. And don't throw up. If someone tries to steal your wand, let them know your friends bought it for you, and that, if they had better friends, they could have one too. Do NOT relinquish the wand.

5) Get a ride home. Encourage your driver to take the fastest route possible. Fall asleep as soon as your head hits the pillow (but take off your makeup first! you'll thank me in the morning.) If you leave the glow wand in someone's car, don't panic! You still have the star, remember?

6) If you have tickets for a free movie, wake up and attend it. In your pyjamas if you have to. Afterwards, fall back asleep.

7) Let your mom cook for you. Let your godfather barbeque for you. Let your brother and his friends entertain you. Lastly, let your very sleepy friends take a nap on your couch.

8) If you're scheduled for work, go for it. Just let your co-workers know it's your birthday and most likely you will totally not have to pull your weight all shift.

9) Watch a movie with a hot actor in it. This is key. I went for Will Smith this year. Eat something wholly bad for you afterward...ribs and cookie cake, anyone?

10) Do all these things in the 72 hours preceding your actual date of birth; on the Big Day, sleep, eat, drink, play with your newly acquired bar stools. Haven't you earned it?

Thanks to all those who indulged my whims and wishes. You guys make getting old something to which I look forward.