Now Playing: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I have a confession to make: the first time I saw any Indiana Jones movie was last week. That's right - though I pride myself on being semi-immersed in pop culture, my education only really began in the 90's. Before then, I lived under a rock known as "my parent's rules" and have tried to expose myself to more 80's stuff. Sadly, my first attempt was marred by Pretty in Pink and The Breakfast Club which sent me running back to the safe haven of my teenaged years.

So, before I comment on the Crystal Skull, indulge me in a little pontificating regarding the 80's trilogy of Indy movies. I went in with high hopes; I mean, these movies have spawned millions of fans and dozens of pop culture references that even I picked up on. I settled in for the Raiders of the Lost Ark and ... it was okay. Not horrible (cheesy 80's special effects aside) but nothing amazing either. Huh. The next night, I popped in Temple of Doom and already I noticed that this movie takes place before the first one (Raiders is in 1936; Temple in 1935). Hmm. This one quickly degenerated into a boring yawnfest and I actually fell asleep until just before the heart-ripping-out scene. The next night, I reluctantly popped in Last Crusade. Immediately, I noticed a difference. Better dialogue. Better direction. This was, bar none, the best of the three (thank you, Mr. Connery, for bringing some life back to franchise). I did like a couple of things (the mountain in every opening scene, the flight scenes across the map, Indy's propensity to completely misjudge the situation), but all in all, I was pretty disappointed. It was only after packing up the movies to return to the library that I realised why I should have known I wouldn't like this: George Lucas had his filthy paws all over it. No wonder. If there's anything that man can do, it's ruin a perfectly good idea with bad cheese.

So, fresh from seeing the first three movies, I went into Crystal Skull expecting nothing. I wasn't surprised by the action or pithy dialogue. It was great to see Karen Allen (the least annoying of the Indy girls) and Jim Broadbent again. Leboeuf was his usual annoying-after-prolonged-exposure self. But, Mr. Ford, please say this will be your last action flick; you just aren't sexy any more (I don't care what Calista whispers to you). The plot was pretty good (though it reminded me a lot of AvP - it's true, don't laugh!) and the cheese was kept to a minimum. Blanchett's grew tiresome, but I'd rather see Catie with a bad accent than Gwyneth with a good one (I am not bitter). If you're a fan, you won't be disappointed; if you're not, you will go in expecting to be disappointed. Either way: 3.5 out of 5 stars.