Exhilaration, pure happiness, giddiness, stomach butterflies, self-doubt, overanalysing, frustrations, insecurities … isn’t dating fun? Sure it has wonderful moments: getting all dolled up for the first date, first kisses, long phone conservations into the early morning, flirty, witty banter via emails and text messages, the little things they do to impress you and to show you that they’re into you, the first time you don’t have to get dolled up …
I never dated a lot as a teenager and in University; I was the girl with her head in a book who said she didn’t have time to date because she was too busy studying. In reality and to be completely honest I was overweight and just didn’t have enough self confidence to a) have guys ask me out and b) to ask a guy out.
I moved to Mississauga about 2 years ago for work and I didn’t start really dating again ‘till this past fall. For the most part it’s been great and I’ve had some wonderful dates from the one that started as lunch time tea date at Timmies and didn’t end ‘till late nigh tea at Timmies to the one that ended with him singing me one of my favourite songs. But I haven’t been that fortunate when it comes to actual relationships. Granted I can be a bit picky, but at my age (27) you have to be; I refuse to waste months or worse years on a relationship that’s not evolving or heading somewhere. I have nothing against casual, fun relationships, but I’m finding myself wanting more.
So since I’ve started dating again there’s been the Italian, the stalker, the one that broke my heart, and the one I didn’t expect. The Italian and the stalker aren’t worth mentioning and the one that broke my heart (Northern Lights) is for another posting (refer to A Few Introductory Words for the short story). But Crown Royal - the one I didn’t expect - now he's worth a few words. I met CR the day I ended things with Northern Lights and for some reason despite the fact that I had a tearstained face, red puffy eyes etc he decided to ask me out two days after meeting me. I very hesitantly agreed to a date because despite the crappiness of what happened with Northern Lights I remain an eternal optimist and hopeless romantic. I didn’t expect to develop feelings for CR since he was so different than the guys I’ve dated in the past but unlike past guys CR actually made an effort at wooing me from serenading me to cleaning his house for the first time in years so it was acceptable for me to come over; from witty responses to my status updates on facebook to going out of his way on a Saturday to give me a lift to a friend’s place because he knew it would take me forever via bus. In a period of three weeks we spoke or emailed at least once a day. He had just re-entered the dating world and I was still a bit “broken” so we were taken things slowly and things seemed to be going well. We even had the “talk” were he asked me “are you in?” I told him yes and asked him the same question and he said he was. And then came nothingness.
We had made plans to go out last Saturday evening and he called me mid-morning to cancel because he was sick. It’s the classic is he really sick or just blowing me off question. He sounded pretty sick and everyone tells me that I’m overthinking things, which I have a tendency to do a lot – it’s probably my greatest flaw; it’s pretty bad, you should see the pro and con lists I make. I also don’t have a lot of patience so I decided to email him on Monday asking him how he was feeling and whether he was interested in going biking (he’s an avid mountain biker) when he felt better. He replied within hours saying that he felt a bit better, he did want to go biking and that he would let me know when he was up to it. And I haven’t heard from him since.
I know, I know, it’s only been 3 days; but after three week of 24/7, three days feels like an eternity and my mind has begun to analyse our last date, which has now been a week ago. Was it something I said, did? Is he blowing me off? Which frankly is annoying since how can you go from showering someone with attention and wanting to be with them everyday to not. I wish guys would just tell you there not interested. Did he get bored with me – how I don’t know since I’m absolutely fabulous – because we’re so different? Of course if he’s on his deathbed (knock on wood) I’m going to feel like a complete moron and bitch.
No comments:
Post a Comment