how to shuck a crab

For those of you who don't know, there is an art - a delicate art - in shucking a crab. By nature, crabs are not known for their easygoing tendencies. They're hard-shelled and have pincers that can be a real bitch sometimes. Yet, they're highly sought after, because underneath that ridiculous exterior, they're soft and tender and (with a little buttering up) downright easy to swallow.

For the most part, they're pretty docile. It's true. Presented with an obstacle, these crustaceans will spend a lot of time finding a way to avoid it. Don't believe me? On a beach, try placing something in the path of a meandering crab. You'll see exactly what I'm getting at. The crab will first stop and stare at the new development. You'll almost hear its little crab-brain thinking: what the hell is this? Unlike a goat or a bull or an elephant, it will not try to muscle its way through - it knows its limitations. No doubt, within moments, it will try to sidestep and resume its original path. If you've chosen to place a large floating ring around it, it will realise (after much backing up and sidestepping) that there's nothing to be done and will bury itself underneath the sand to avoid detection. If it can't remove itself from a situation, it will try very hard to make you believe that it's not even there. It's fascinating really, to watch it go to such lengths.

A cornered crab, however, is a dangerous crab: its pincers can easily slice through skin, leaving you bleeding and raw; its shell has pointy bits that can make it hard to get a grasp on them without doing yourself some damage. But once you have a crab in your grip, don't waste time! The longer you try to get a handle on the situation, the more opportunity you give the crab to do irreparable damage to both you and itself.

The thing about crabs is that they know they have these soft mushy centres that most people find appealing. All their defences are useless once people figure out that a shell is easily cracked with well-placed jab. That's why they spend so much of their lives avoiding conflict - while they defend themselves admirably, they're always worried about that one lucky shot that will pierce them fatally. If you'd like to enjoy a real crab (not those fake stick things), may I suggest you have a plan as to what to do with your angry crustacean once you have it trapped. Blood and bruises only tend to spoil one's appetite. Then again, nothing like a little work to make the fruits of your labour that much sweeter. You've just got to ask yourself: is it worth it?